Wanna date a foreigner?

Hvilken decideret behagelig lørdag. Jeg har futtet rundt i mit køkken og bagt Signes mavepine-cookies (anbefalelsesværdige! Kan også med fordel indtages rå - min egen private svaghed ...) og Køkkenfasters knækbrød (bør ikke indtages rå - er til gengæld fantastiske; især hvis man messer for sig selv "det er det sunde fedt, det er det sunde fedt, det er det sunde fedt" mens man spiser sig mæt i dem).

Mens jeg tussede rundt og hyggede mig, hørte jeg radioavis. En af historierne var, at hver anden dansker gerne vil sige pænt nej tak til et muslimsk svigerbarn. Især de danskere, som har pigebørn, kunne jeg forstå.

Nu var mit indianernavn i 7 år jo "Danser med Persere" (iranere altså - ikke kattene). Så jeg synes, jeg har en vis baggrund for at have en mening om det emne.

Og min mening er: det er lige meget. TOTALT lige meget. De skal bare være gode mennesker, svigerbørnene.

Muslimer har jo nemlig det tilfælles med protestanter, at de faktisk ikke er specielt ens. Bare tænk på spændet mellem de allerargeste Jehovas Vidner og kun-ved-jul-og-bryllupper-kirkegængerne. Og hvor mange nuancer der er der imellem.

Nej, jeg har ikke lyst til at være kærester med en rabiat muslim. Men jeg har heller ikke lyst til at være kærester med en aggressiv indremissionær, som vil trække sine holdninger ned over mit krøllede hoved og få mig til at rette ind.  Faktisk vil jeg slet ikke være kærester med nogen, der vil præke for mig og som ikke giver køb på én eneste af sine egne holdninger, thi han kender Den Eneste Sande og Rette Vej. (Det udelukker så også en del politikere)

Jeg vil derimod gerne være kærester med en sød muslim, hvis jeg møder sådan en. Sådan en, der godt nok ikke gider æde min hjemmelavede leverpostej (og den er ellers god!) men som heller ikke forlader bordet i protest, fordi der står både flæskesteg og kyllingefrikadeller på det.  En som godt gider at holde Jul med mig og min familie - bare han må slippe for den norske Juleribbe og nøjes med Juleanden - og som til gengæld inviterer os med til at fejre Eid.  En som måske nok gerne vil have sin søn omskåret, men hvis verden ikke styrter i grus hvis det ikke sker.  En, der holder af mig som jeg er, og som tror på Rummeligheden.

Og ved I hvad? De findes. Endda i flere udgaver.  Nu var min eks faktisk ikke muslim, men han kom da i den grad fra de varme lande. Og ja - mine forældre var da afventende, da jeg først kom trækkende med ham. For så mange eksotiske udlændinge bliver man ikke eksponeret for her i Verdens Navle hvorfra min verden går, og i øvrigt skal alle svigersønner jo lige ses an.  Men de blev helt utrolig glade for ham - ikke på trods af at han var udlænding, men fordi han var (er!) et fantastisk dejligt menneske.

Og det er dét, det handler om, når man skal ud og finde en, man gerne vil dele sin verden med. Man skal finde de Gode Mennesker. Man skal finde dem, der føles som en handske der bare sidder perfekt. Man skal finde dem, der passer ind i ens liv, og hvor man passer ind i deres. Man skal finde dem, der passer på én, og som har lyst til at fusionere de to forskellige baggrunde til én fælles fremtid.  Og så er det faktisk ligegyldigt, om de to baggrunde hedder kristen/muslim, jyde/københavner, dansker/italiener, eller hvad. 

Det handler om at finde Gode Mennesker. 

Og om at være et.

@ N ~ today's blog post is my two cents on a story I heard on the news today. According to a survey, 50% of Danes would very much prefer it if their future son (or daughter) in-law did not come from a Muslim background.

Now, that is quite a high number. According to some statistics I googled (for Danish readers: Danmarks Statistik, www.dst.dk), around 3-5% of the Danish population are Muslims. They get more than 5% of the news coverage, I think. Mostly bad press.

This is (often, not always) because some of them are idiots. Irrefutable fact.  But my unscientific estimate is that we have roughly the same percentage of idiots in the part of the population that are so-called "ethnic Danes".  It is probably not the same kind of idiocy, but idiots are idiots.

And we do not want to date idiots. Of any kind.  When I say "we", I mean "I", of course. But I hope I'm not alone with this opinion.

What I think is this: It doesn't matter if your future son-in-law is called Hassan and doesn't eat pork. It does matter that he is a good person.

All Muslims are not alike. They're as different as Protestants. In Denmark we have all kinds of Protestants - from the very intolerant ones to the bog-standard indifferent variety.  I think it's a safe bet to say that we have a similar range of Muslims.

I do not have any desire to date a radical Muslim. I also do not want to date, say, a devout Latter Day Saint who wants me to adopt every single one of his beliefs without so much as considering any of mine.  In fact, I do not want to date anyone who thinks he knows The True Path and is hell-bent on getting everyone else to walk it as well (this also means I would probably have a hard time with most politicians ...).

What I wouldn't mind dating is a nice Muslim guy, if I bump into one of those. The kind of man who politely says no thanks to the standard Danish "frikadelle" (meatball) which is made of pork - but who happily tucks into my Mom's alternative-frikadelle-version made with ground beef (that was an accident, actually - she thawed a package of ground beef thinking it was pork. And went ahead and made frikadeller anyway, and they were darned delicious I can tell you).  A man who will celebrate Christmas with me and my family, as long as he gets a juicy piece of roast duck (in Denmark, we generally have roast duck or roast pork for Christmas. Sometimes both). And who will, in turn, invite me and my family to come and celebrate Eid with him and his family.  A man who might think that his newborn son should have the traditional circumcision - but who doesn't fly into a rage if his wife disagrees.  A man who will like me for who I am, and who will like my family, and who believes in tolerance, give and take, and co-existence.

These men do exist. Also in the Muslim version.  My ex wasn't Muslim, but he was certainly from that part of the world, and when I brought him home, my parents were wary at first. After all - this is mostly about fear of the unknown.  But it didn't take very long before they just loved him. Not in spite of his background, but because he was, and is, a Good (wonderful, in fact) Person.

And you know what, that is what matters. Finding Good People. Finding people who fit into your life, and where you fit into theirs. Finding people whose family you like, and who like yours. Finding someone who wants to take their own specific background and blend it with yours to create a new platform from which you can meet the world together. And this applies to all combinations -  Dane/Foreigner, Countrymouse/Citydweller, Protestant/Muslim, you name it.

It's about finding a Good Person. And it's about being one.