Friday, 14 January 2011

I need a new dictionary

Apparently there's something called the Mensa Invitational going around the interwebz; it may or may not be connected to the Washington Post, I haven't done all that much research on it and don't know where it originated - but what I found was a wonderful little game of wordplay. Basically, this is a list of new words, or new meanings for existing words. I loved it; hope you will, too.


• Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ***.

• Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

• Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

• Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

• Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

• Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

• Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


• Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

• Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

• Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

• Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

• Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

• Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

• Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

• Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

• Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

• Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

• Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

• Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

• Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

• Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

• Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

• Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men.



Ibs said...

Oh, walking with a lisp. I love it!

Pat Myers said...

Actually, there isn't any "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)

Much better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday (soon to be Sunday) in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, and lots of other sources of humor as well.

For example, we asked readers recently to coin a new word or term that was a palindrome (it's spelled the same backward and forward). Here are some of the top winners (results printed Oct. 16):

AHA HAHA: When you finally get the joke. (Tom Flaherty, Culpeper, Va.)

EGADAGE: "Heck," "darn," etc. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

NAMETAG-GATEMAN: The conference organizer who won't let you enter until you've ruined your jacket with adhesive paper. (Dion Black, Washington)

AMENEMA: Blessed relief. (Anne Morgan, Fairfax, a First Offender)

DROWSYSWORD: Impotence. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.

Best, The Empress of The Style Invitational

The Washington Post
The Style Invitational, however, does publish a lot of bold and irreverent humor in its contests every week, which vary from neologism (make up a word) contests to song parodies to cartoon captions.

See the rest of the winners at Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.


The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post